After hearing that Children’s Memorial Hermann Hospital would consider me, I began speaking with other moms that had gone through fetal surgery and hearing their stories. This surgery is truly brutal and the recovery is one of the toughest I’ve ever heard of. Deep down, I knew I would not be capable of moving forward. There were too many logistics to sort out; too many details on how to care for the kids, and I just knew it wouldn’t be possible. I’ve had many surgeries in my life including heart surgery only a few months after Bryce and I married but this one was truly getting to me.
In true Bryce form, my husband trusted God completely. He said that if it is meant to be that things will begin falling into place. “Is that how you think it works?” I asked him. “Things only fall into place if I make 8,000 phone calls and fight people like I’m in court all day long.” The truth is, we were both right. We needed a lot of God, and a bit of mamma bear going to battle for her baby.
The next day I got a message from my insurance case manager. He had done some of his own research to find out that Hermann Children’s Hospital is in our insurance network. EXCUSE ME? Our own Children’s Hospitals are not in our insurance network and only a couple states even take our insurance. Yet this state, this hospital…things began falling into place. Fear began melting away and I got some mojo back. It was time to fight for my baby. The phone calls began.
We are officially scheduled for a week long consultation from September 5-9 in Houston. We could have only gotten this far with the help of dozens and dozens of friends and family members deeply wanting to see this surgery succeed. At the end of that week, the surgical team will decide if we are officially accepted for surgery. Bryce and I will return home for a week and then I would return to Houston without him indefinitely. I would be the first Diabetic to ever receive this surgery. Making history and eating Tex Mex Baby. Sounds like a dream!
I have spent the last week working like I’m back in the corporate world. So many more things need to work out for this to succeed the way it would need to. I did find out that although the hospital is in our insurance network, none of the doctors or surgeons are covered (thanks Cigna). There are 5 doctors involved in performing the surgery since there are 2 patients- Caleb and me. I have appealed to The State for more nursing hours to help care for Miles until I deliver Caleb. I have reapplied to our grant company to keep our nanny longer as she is the only person in our lives that is capable of watching Weston or Miles, plus we trust her completely. I have asked our insurance to consider covering some of the surgical costs. I have reached out to charities to help us pay for my relocation costs. My mom and mother in law will have to travel and tag team caring for me until my delivery. I had an amniocenteses- you know, that giant needle they stick in your uterus to test amniotic fluid. Caleb and I will need to pass every lab and MRI to even be considered. Our nurses will have to sacrifice their time and health to work overtime hours for us.
But we have faith. We have a good, good Father that is bigger than any single one of these things. He can easily make them all happen. He only wants good for our family.
If I have the surgery, I will be in Houston a minimum of a month. If I return home, I will be on strict bed rest the rest of my pregnancy and can only get up for doctors appointments with a wheelchair and caregiver. The goal is for a C Section at 37 weeks but few moms make it that long. We will need full time caregivers for me, Miles and Weston. The entire burden of life and the household will be put on my sweet husband. It is also a very real possibility that I will not get to leave Houston and I will be delivering Caleb by myself out there and staying with him until he is safe to fly home. We are also preparing that I can be gone for 6 months.
Time away from my kids. So much time. This will be the absolute hardest part. I’m missing Weston’s 1st week of preschool while at the consultation and it’s ripping my heart out. The preschool has made an exception for Weston to be dropped an hour early because even they understand the magnitude of our family being apart. Everything will be turned upside down.
But we fight for our kids. We sacrifice our bodies, our happiness, and everything that makes sense to keep them safe. We make really hard choices with only them in mind. I am bummed to be out of commission for the good weather, the holidays, pumpkin spiced lattes and fall. Those are my favorite things. But I am getting a chance to serve my son with my mind, body and spirit. What a privilege to be given this opportunity.
Weston just said to me, “Grandma lives far far away. You will not go far away right mommy?”
Well son. I may be going far far away. And you won’t understand why I can’t hug you. But it’s because I don’t just love you now, I love you forever and I want to make the best life for all of my sons forever. One day you will understand.